ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
