The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
