Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
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Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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