You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
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He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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