I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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