Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
