Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
