He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
