I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
