Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize