He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
