I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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