He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
