i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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