so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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