I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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