So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize