Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
