oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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