Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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