And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is my gift to your gina
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
