I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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