I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
