after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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