C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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