I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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