At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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