I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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