We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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