Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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