We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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