does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just cut my nipple shaving
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
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like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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