Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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