i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
