No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
