You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I pour the whiskey from now on
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
