are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
