I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have so much sex to catch up on
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
