I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
