I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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