Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
