i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize