dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
