I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
