I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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