a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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