happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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