and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
