No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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