My balls are so social today.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
