Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
