is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
