guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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