Please don't use social media to get back at me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
