I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
