i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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