Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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