I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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