This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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