this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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