Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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