you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
