If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
